When I was first in the hospital recovering from my cardiac arrest I have been told that whenever someone came into my room I was smiling. I guess I really didn’t know what was going on so perhaps I just smiled to let everyone know that I was OK. It has been three years and at times it has been hard to carry on smiling but I think that now I am at a point when I can smile. The last couple of years I really dreaded the start of September as I reminded me of the two September’s previously which were pretty awful. It sound silly to not like a month especially when my birthday it at the end of it. But September also has my death day. I have written about this before but I don’t like looking back at the things I have written as I don’t recognise the person who wrote it. I told myself this year to focus not on the two September’s that were awful but on September last year when nothing happened! This has really helped me this year. I also decided to not look back at my memories but to make new memories for this month. I feel that I have been really busy this month and I have done lots of new things. So far I have been able to make good memories for this month and hopefully by the end of the month I will have achieved something I have been wanting to do for a while. I am now finding it easier to accept the new me. I used to say I am recovering from a brain injury but I now I realise that full recovery is not possible. When I was told my brain was injured I just thought that after time it would heal – like a cut, you could put a plaster on it and in time it would heal. That won’t happen but I have found that there are things that can aid healing, to make things better and I try to do these things as much as possible as I want to recover to the best person I can be. 100% is a big goal and I know this is not possible. From the moment I came home from the hospital I have been doing brain training. I have had help from so many people and I thank them for that. I now know that you don’t recover from a brain injury, you just learn to live with it.

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