In my previous life I wasn’t very adventurous, I was very scared to do most things. It was much easier to shut myself away and not do much. I look back now and think that I have just wasted that part of my life. That is not entirely true though as my counsellor keeps reminding me. When I was a teenager I spent a year in America. I went there on my own, my first time on a plane. I must have been really brave. I didn’t really recognise that person for many years. I found it just easier doing the mundane things day-to-day and not involving many people. I was very shy and got very anxious when I would be asked to do something different and out of the comfort zone I had built myself. As with anyone I didn’t really think that my life could be over so suddenly. I now think that all the things that I was afraid to do, I need to do now. It is probably too late to do some things but there are smaller things that I can try to do. Recently I have done something on my own which I wouldn’t have done before. I was talking to someone about it and said that I was anxious about doing it but also excited which I thought was strange. I was told that the two emotions are ones that are closely linked. I had to push through my worry and when I did I really enjoyed what I did. Of course when I try to think about the things that I would like to try now I always forget what they are and when someone asks me I can’t really remember. I need to start a list and cross off things when I do them. The problem that I find as well is that everyone around me is not going through the same life changing experience that I am. They are just following on with their normal interesting lives and don’t have the urge to do everything now. Whenever I see something that looks interesting my thought is when can I do it and who can I do it with. Certain things that I would have been able to do on my own in the past are probably harder for me to do now, especially if it is going to be a long day or something that I haven’t done or been to before. The anxiety that stopped me from even thinking about doing something before has gone but it does come back closer to the time I am going to do it. We are told a lot at Headway that these problems can happen to anyone but of course everyone doesn’t have a brain injury and this makes it harder. Like I have said I have done something recently that was a bit different for me and I did really enjoy myself. There are a couple of things in the pipeline as well and I do feel anxious. I am thinking of not doing them, which I would have done previously. But as this blog is titled, I need to feel the fear that it brings and just do it.
Published by A Recovering Brain
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