Busy as a beaver

Over the last couple of years I have done lots of different things but I have never felt really busy. I can’t remember how I was in my ‘old’ life but I guess I was busy. Nowadays I have to take things pretty slow and I find that if I do too many things at the same time I just get confused. Having lots to do just overwhelves me. Recently I have got really busy, busy for me, probably not busy for a normal person. Now that I am able to drive again the world has opened up to me. I have got my independance back and I feel that I have to do everything I have been wanting to do for the last three years. I keep volunteering for lots of things that I wouldn’t have done before. It is great and I do really enjoying it but it can be a bit stressful and sometimes I am not really sure what I am doing. I have been thinking a lot recently as to why I have this urgency to do so much stuff. I have realised that perhaps I just want to do everything as if I don’t do this now something might happen and I will have missed my chance. I was lucky last time but if something does happen again I may not be so lucky. I don’t spend all my days now thinking about this but I do think subconsciously I may be. I guess this isn’t really a healthy way to think about death all the time but perhaps it is just the process that a person goes through when they start to realise what happened to them. I don’t really want to write about death as no one wants to think about it. Again, perhaps keeping myself busy may help me take my mind of what has happened and what is happening now. People may ask me what are you doing that is making you so busy and I just wouldn’t be able to tell them. The problem with being busy, with a brain injury, makes everything so much harder. If I have lots to do I tend to forget more things, forget how to do things and forget what I am doing in the middle of doing it. Just when I feel that things are finally getting back to some kind of normality it just breaks down again. After nearly four years I worry that people will think I am normal again. Of course I want to be normal again but it’s not possible. I hope people don’t think everything is normal again as it is not. Being busy has shown me that I am not the same as I am finding things hard. I know that I need to organise myself, write some plans and plan but I just don’t do it. My thought processes are not very quick which makes me slow and that really annoys me. I have found that I have to remind my family that they need to give me some time. They probably think that everything I plan to do, I can do. I can but it may take me some time. I even have to remind myself as I want to do everything. It’s that memory problem again, I need to write it down.