They don’t like me

I have only spoken to one person about this before so it feels a bit strange writing a blog about it. I find it easier to understand it now though so getting it out of my head by writing this may also help. From what I can remember in my previous life I always had problems meeting and getting to know people but I thought they didn’t like me. I think I just assumed that for some reason they did not like the look of me so I wouldn’t engage with them. Perhaps it was just me not liking myself. I had no evidence of people not liking me, it was really all just in my head. When I was at school I think I would attach myself onto the kids who were more confident and would do all the talking so I didn’t really have to. In a way I think I am still doing this but with my newly found confidence I find myself taking the lead role now. When I was first unwell I got to know someone who I think liked me (whilst writing this I realise they probably did) but at the time I just thought in the end they didn’t like me anymore. Recently I went away on holiday on my own and I had a great time and met lots of new people. After a few days the feeling of people not liking me suddenly came back, again for no reason. What I tend to do in these situations now is to try and ‘entice’ them into liking me. It usually works so I start to feel better about myself. I have to say I do have lots of friends and I know they do like me so I am not talking about them. Although there is one person that I know that has admitted to me that they are fake. I have seen behind that mask and know their secret. The person that I have spoken to about this told me to try and look at the evidence for and against.  In a courtroom you have to hear the evidence for and against and then the jury makes a judgement from this evidence.  I find that if I do this the evidence against me is usually very slim so it is  good for me to look at it this way as it can disprove quite easily that they don’t like me.