Today someone reminded of something that I really didn’t want to remember. Luckily I have my headphones and listening to classical music has really helped me to refocus on other things. Yesterday evening I was listening to someone talking about meditation. She described it as being in the matrix. This reminded me about something someone had said to me last year. For a long time after I was unwell I felt like an outsider looking in on my life. Seeing what it would have been like if I did actually died. I was sitting in the room of people but I wasn’t actually there. A bit like a ghost. The person who told me I was in the matrix didn’t give me an explanation as to why I felt like this. There is probably some psychological meaning behind it. I don’t really feel like this anymore but it is weird thinking about it. It was quite nice, to see life continuing on without me. When something good happened I thought if I died I would have missed this. It made me glad to be alive. There are so many good reasons for being alive, all the different people I have met and all the different things I do now. I need to remember to look forward and not back at the bad, just focus on the future. I need to watch the Matrix, I used to love Keanu, still do a bit!

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