Everyday I wake up now I wonder if I need to bother doing my hair and putting my make up on. When I used to go out to work everyday this was just part of my regular routine and I imagine it was part of most peoples. I wouldn’t think of going out in the morning without washing my hair first and putting on some make up but of course that was the old me, I have changed and those things are not so important. Of course I do still make the effort for work but on non work days I feel a lot more relaxed. I don’t worry so much what I look like day to day. I think back to when I was in the hospital and think how awful I must of looked. My family are not ones to take pictures a person are lying in a hospital bed but I have a picture of myself sitting in a wheelchair about a month after everything happened. I look pretty awful. My hair needs something doing to it and I have not make up on of course. I would do things like straighten my hair and pluck my eyebrows. I guess things like these are not important when you are fighting for your life. Just being alive matters. I know my Mum would wash me everyday and I don’t feel embarrassed about this. I sent the photo to some of my friends and I do wonder what they thought when they saw it as I would of been shocked, looking at it now I am shocked. Over time I got to a point where I felt like doing my hair and putting some make up on again but I had learnt that it really doesn’t matter if I don’t. I guess you get stuck in a rut and do the same things everyday, it is easy just to carry on, not making any changes. Being unwell has helped me get out of the rut and I feel like I have been given the chance to fall into a different rut. I guess it is easy for me to day as it was kind of forced onto me. Now that we are all on lockdown why not try something different? Every morning I still get up and think that it is best for my mental help to try and keep up with appearances, even if no one is really going to see me. My hair really needs a cut but I guess I can live with that. Perhaps I can try out a new hairstyle. I have learnt that appearance really doesn’t matter, just being alive is the most important thing.

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