Impulsive

I was going to write about something else today but I saw this word and it reminded me of a problem that I have had following my brain injury. I guess this is an impulsive post! The year after my brain injury I really didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t recognise many of the things that were different and the changes in my behaviour. I thought my thoughts and feeling were just normal and not different to the thoughts before I was unwell. I recognise now that I felt very impulsive. Luckily for me although I didn’t really realise this I didn’t do anything that caused problems. Well that may not we entirely true but nothing too bad. When you are are child you learn what is right and what is wrong but when you wake up with a brain injury this can change. That can make you impulsive. You start feeling childlike. I looked up the meaning of the word impulsive – ‘acting or done without forethought’ was one description. When you are a child and you think to do something, you just do it not thinking about what might happen. This is also connected to a lack of insight which I have written about before. I think when you understand something it is so much easier to cope with it. When I was feeling really impulsive a couple of years ago I really didn’t understand that what I was thinking about was not right. It is so much easier to do something when you don’t realise that it might be wrong. There was one impulsive thought that I can remember having and it was a really strong feeling. I always say that I overthink things but sometimes this is a good thing to do. I have found now that I just need to give myself time to analyse something before I do it then I know that I will be safe. Of this only can work on a good day. I may have days when I just don’t have the energy and patience to think about things. I guess with lockdown everyone is starting to feel this way. We are just getting fed up with it and urging to get back to normal life. But it is doubly hard when you have had to go through a life changing experience already. I think now I do have the awareness that thing might be going a bit wrong and prevent me being so impulsive. Hopefully…