I have been thinking about this for a while now.  I know it must seem like I moan about things quite frequently and I do.  I guess I have a lot to moan about.  As everything is different now and I am encountering new things all the time it is natural to not like some of them.  When I go to Headway every week there is a guy there who is amazing.  He has a constant smile on his face, he is laughing and telling jokes.  We often comment on this to him and he says every time, what is the point of being miserable? You have to be grateful that you have woken up each morning, there are a lot of people out there that are worse off than you.  I wish I could have that positivity.  I do try now to think this way.  When something is not going right or I am frustrated with myself for doing something stupid.  The worst thing I could do about it is not being here at all but I do wonder sometimes how bad I could have been.  My family don’t like to talk about it but I would think that they also wonder about this a lot.  There is a horrible advert on the TV at the moment from the British Heart Foundation where you see a woman in a cardiac arrest.  You see her in the hospital connected to all the machines that are keeping her alive.  I think to myself, I must have been connected to the same machines, keeping me alive.  It is terrifying everytime I see the advert but how terrifying seeing someone you love connected to these machines.  What must they have thought?  My Mum has said to me many times that I have achieved so much in the last four years.  She has never told me how bad it was but I think that it was pretty bad.  I have done my own research and I do realise that I should be grateful as it could have been so much worse for me.  It is hard for me to really register this though as I just don’t have the memory of that time.  Even though I don’t remember it, I think about it everyday.  I have met many brain injury survivors and I see the daily struggles they have.  Many are in the early stages of their recovery.  I do realise that it could have been so much worse but I think that I have achieved so much as I have had the love and support of so many great people.  I think I am at the stage in my recovery now when  I am accepting the new me.  I am not at 100%,  but I am not at 0%.  I am very grateful as it could have been so much worse.