Realisation

I was trying to think what to call this post but I guess this word just sums it up. Realisation is a big thing when you have a brain injury. Recently I have been looking back at the last year and how I was then. I was at the start of my recovery and I didn’t realise what was going on. I was told what had happened to me and I remember asking about it a lot. I was often told that they didn’t remember but I guess they didn’t really want to tell me how bad it was. I guess it was good for me at the time. But the months passed and I started to realise just what had happened and how awful it was and could have been. Even now when I think about it which is most days, it scares me knowing how close to death I was. When I talk to new people now and tell them they seem to know more about it than I do. They realise that it was awful. I can write it down and say it to myself but do I really understand it? I think sometimes that I would like to go back to that person a year ago, the person who hadn’t yet realised. It was so much easier then, not knowing how hard it is going to be.