This is what I hear a lot nowadays. I seem to being discharged from a lot of the medical areas that I have been taking care of me over the last two years. You would probably think that this is great as it shows that I am recovering and don’t need the endless medical appointments anymore. I know this is great but it is also scary. People say I look much better now, you have progressed so well but I just don’t see it. I guess in my head I am still the person I was two years ago before I was ‘unwell’. I guess in my head I have never felt unwell. Although I know that I have been unwell as I don’t remember it, it doesn’t seem real. I guess all the medical stuff has been a bit of a safety blanket, protecting me from facing up to what really happened to me. It just seems so unreal. How could it of happened to me. Family and friends were able to deal with it when it happened but I feel that I am only really coming to terms with it now. I hear the word acceptance. I need to accept what happened to me and move on but it is hard when I can’t remember what happened. I have contacted the paramedics who saved my life and I am hoping to read the medical notes from that night and this may help me understand it. That is scary as well as it may trigger a memory but I feel it is the only way I can find out what actually happened.

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